WNW: Use (and Abuse) of the Semicolon

FIRST OFF, some news . . .

Back by popular demand: Precision Editing Group is hosting their next Live Critique Workshop in a month! It'll be held at the American Fork Library on Saturday, March 3rd. Attendees are divided among tables, and they get to work with an instructor (staff are all both published writers and professional editors) assigned to each table. Bring along several pages of a work in progress to be workshopped. It's a great learning experience and a bargain to boot. But space IS limited. For full information and instructions for registering, visit the PEG Workshop blog.

Now to today's topic.

Of late, I've come across oodles of egregious semicolon abuse, and it's made me realize that

a) Not everyone in the world loves that little punctuation mark like I do and

b) Fewer know how to use it.

This post is my small attempt to help a bit in rectifying the numbers of both camps.

First off, let's debunk a common misconception.

Myth: Semicolons are totally outdated for fiction and, if used at all in today's writing, should be only in stuffy non-fiction work.

(Note how I remained totally neutral in describing the myth. Ahem.)

Truth: Semicolons are alive and well in all kinds of writing, including fiction.

Of course, as with any punctuation mark (or word, or literary technique), semicolons can be overused, but that doesn't mean you should avoid them altogether.

For me, semicolons are part of my writer toolbox. I like semicolons because they do two awesome things:

1) They allow an association or connection between thoughts that no other method can achieve.

2) They provide a pause length that's different than any other punctuation mark creates.

In other words, sometimes you just need a semicolon to get the feel across. This is where I bring out my orchestra conductor analogy.

Imagine punctuation as being the signals from a musical conductor (a writer). Each mark tells you, the reader, how to interpret the sentence: whether to slow down, speed up, add emphasis, trail off.

As a writer, if you get rid of the semicolon, and you've thrown away what could be the tool for creating the exact feel your sentence needs.

The Semicolon Rule of Thumb

While the best semicolon use is when you're connecting two thoughts, technically (from a grammatical standpoint) you can use one to connect any two complete sentences.

Ask yourself: Can the words on each side of the semicolon stand alone as a real sentence?

If the answer is YES, you can use the semicolon, such as here:

Kelly asked if I'd go ballroom dancing with her; I can't dance.

Note two things from the above example:

1) Both sides could stand alone as a sentence.

2) The second half has more meaning because of the first half.

It's the second part that messes people up. Because the second half gets emphasis, writers sometimes get it into their heads that any emphasis at the end of a sentence requires a semicolon. Not so.

If whatever comes after the semicolon isn't a complete sentence, don't use a semicolon.

Let's show that in action.

How NOT to Use a Semicolon

Here's an example of trying to give emphasis to the end of a sentence when the second part cannot stand alone as a sentence.

David bought Mary a bouquet of her favorite flowers; miniature peach-colored roses.

ARGH! (I shall refrain from pulling out my hair, but only just.)

The flower description (miniature peach-colored roses) is not a sentence. Ergo, you cannot use a semicolon before it.

But what if you really want to emphasize the kind of flower (or whatever else) at the end?

Easy. Pull out a different punctuation mark from your trusty tool box. Use an em dash.

David bought Mary a bouquet of her favorite flowers—miniature peach-colored roses.

Here is where I'll add one punctuation difference that really is common between fiction and non-fiction. In the example above, you could use a colon instead of an em dash. Either is correct.

Just know that colons are relatively rare in fiction. You'll see them here and there, but the majority of the time, colons are saved for non-fiction, and in fiction, em dashes are used instead.

To learn more about em dashes and how to make them properly (because no, they are not hyphens smooshed together, and they aren't en dashes), see the last part of THIS POST I wrote for the Precision Editing Group blog some time ago.

My Current Writing Life

Thought I'd post a few pictures of what I've been up to lately.

In September, I went up to the League of Utah Writers Round-up conference. Due to mommy commitments, I wasn't able to stay the entire time (next year, I hope!). I did some one-on-one manuscript critiques for Precision Editing Group. At the hotel, Josi, Heather, Julie and I wrote, laughed, ate snacks at a bakery, and ultimately buckled down to go over mutual scenes from the Newport Ladies Book Club series to make sure they all match.

(We had to finish that over the phone Saturday night, since I was no longer at the hotel.)

Saturday morning before my critique sessions, I spent some time with my laptop. I literally kicked off my heels and typed away. Unbeknownst to me, Josi snapped a picture.

I believe this is the only photo in existence where I'm drafting something involving the military wives from Band of Sisters. Here, I'm working on the sequel (as yet unnamed). The book is about the re-entry time after the husbands come home.

Above: Me, hanging out with Marianne.

Later in September was the triple launch party for Josi, Sarah, and Mel. Because I'm smart like that, I didn't get picture of them, but here's one of some of us who were there:

Pictured: Mindy and Sheila from the LDS Women's Book Review

and novelists Becca Wilhite and Julie Wright, with me on the end.

Then on October 6th was a day my entire critique group has been waiting for: the release party for Robison Wells' Variant at The King's English bookstore.

First we gathered in a small room to hear Rob speak. It was super inspiring and totally awesome. Here I am right before Rob spoke, with critique group member Michele Paige Holmes.

(Image from Krista Lynne Jensen's blog.)

After Rob spoke, we had yummy refreshments and an insanely long line to get books signed, plus lots of friends and writers to chat with (I'd name drop, but I know I'll forget someone). I even got to meet Rob's parents, who are seriously cool people.

Here I am with Rob at his launch with my very own signed copy of VARIANT:

I actually have two signed copies, one for me, and one that I'll use as a giveaway sometime in the future.

Coming in about a month: I get to attend the Authors Incognito writing retreat. If I can keep up my drafting goals this month, I should be able to finish the BofS sequel at the retreat. Then it'll be time to get it hammered by critiques and alpha and beta readers, revision, and, soon after that, I hope, submission.

Of course, I have several other pots in the fire as well, but that's my biggest focus for now.

Also:

Something for local writers out there to be thinking about: in the first quarter of 2012, Precision Editing Group will be doing another live critique workshop like the one we did in August. Be sure to watch for the date announcement and registration information. It was a great experience last time, and you won't want to miss out.

Here's a picture of my workshop table from last summer. They were awesome, and we had a great time!

WNW: What Do These Words Have in Common?

FIRST, A REMINDER:

The registration deadline for the Precision Editing live critique workshop is coming up. The workshop will be much like the Storymaker conference Boot Camp, but all day, and with less of a crowd.

MORE:

The workshop is Saturday, August 13, 10:30 to 3:30.

Cost: $35 for the day. (A one-hour lunch break is on you.)
CLICK HERE for more info.

Serious word nerd alert here.

I found this list of terms not too long ago. I'm posting it now with a question for you:

What do all of these words have in common?

I'll post the answer later.

Kindle
Sleuth
Leash
Brace
Charm
Drift
Exaltation
Grist
Leap
Murder
Bed
Sounder
Chattering
Spring
Trip
Watch
Wing
Rafter
Clamor
Kettle
Mute
Unkindness
Wisdom
Train
Gulp
Skulk
Rhumba
Clutter
Bloat
Troubling

3rd Annual Teen Writers Conference

As I do my final preparations for this weekend's LDStorymakers Writers Conference and the Whitney Awards gala this weekend, I'm already looking ahead to yet another fantastic conference.

But unless your age ends with teen, you're not invited!

The first Teen Writers Conference was June of 2009, put together by several writers in the West who wanted to reach out for young aspiring writers. We thought maybe we'd get 30 attendees.

We ended up with 108.

To say that first year was a smashing success would be an understatement. We knew the event had tapped into a real need: helping teens who love the written word to improve and grow.

So we did it again last year, and this June will mark the third Teen Writers Conference.

Each year, successful, award-winning authors come to share their knowledge and enthusiasm with young writers.

Past speakers include Jessica Day George, Janette Rallison, and J. Scott Savage.

Attendees get to enter a writing contest and get solid feedback. Older teens can attend a class about what comes next, including how they can set their feet on the path of writing and publication now that they're entering adulthood.

Everyone involved with the conference, sponsored by Precision Editing Group, does so because of their desire to give back; this is not a money-making venture for anyone.

That means it's uber cheap for a full-day conference, with fees just enough to cover expenses. It's just $35 for the whole day if you bring a lunch with you, or $43 if you to order a lunch. (Can you say "bargain"?)

Plus, it's loads of fun.

Here are the details:

Saturday, June 18th

8:30 am - 6:00 pm

Weber State University in Ogden, UT.

Keynote: Bree Despain, the author of The Dark Divine series.

Plus ten breakout workshops including classes taught by:

• Dan Wells
• Lisa Mangum
• Robison Wells
• Julie Wright
• Matthew Buckley
• Josi S. Kilpack
• H. B. Moore
• C. S. Bezas
• Ronda Hinrichsen
• and me!

Every class is focused on real things TEENS can apply to their writing right now, while working toward a future in writing.

Speakers will have their books available for sale (usually at a discount from what you can get them anywhere else). Be sure to have the authors sign them before you leave.

Registration is open now (register HERE), but will close when we reach 150 attendees or on June 8th, whichever comes first.

Based on our numbers from the past, I'm guessing we'll fill up before that and registration will close early, so if you know a teen who wants to go, sign up soon.

See you there!

In Lieu of WNW . . .

I'm over at Precision Editing Group's blog today discussing TIME and the writer.

Come visit me at the Writing on the Wall blog!

The Absentee Blogger

Bad, blogger. It's been a whole week, and nothing from me!

Not for lack of trying or lack of inspiration. Just lack of time and stuff piling faster than I can get rid of it. (Much of it good stuff, like extra freelance work, but still.)

A couple of bits until I post again:

• Last Friday, I guest-posted at Christine Bryant's blog about the joys (and constant mistreatment) of being an English major.
• On a similar topic, in November, I get to speak to a class of freshman English majors at BYU. I took that very class (more years ago than I care to admit) and now get to be on the other side . . . published, just as I hoped. COOOOL!
• Today I posted over at Precision Editing Group's Writing on the Wall blog about the crazy timeline that is publishing.
• A couple of weeks ago I got to speak at the UVU Book Academy. The next day I had a book signing at BYU Bookstore, where I handed out fudge samples. One of my daughters was my sample helper. Catch photos of both at Krista Jensen's blog.
• Last weekend, I spoke at the AF Arts Council conference. Got to hang with one of my bestest friends ever, Josi Kilpack, meet John Brown, chat with writer buddies I've met through events like this (like The Damsel and Taffy), and met lots of other new writers.
• I have no book signings this week for the cookbook, but I have TWO next week at the Lehi/AF Costco. Watch my sidebar for details.
  
  Now, back into the fray! (Read: go vacuum, empty the dishwasher, and sort laundry. The glamorous life of a writer . . .)

WNW: Reflexives!!!

Thought that maybe if I put lots of exclamation points in the title, that reflexives would sound exciting!

Did it work? :-)

Lara from Overstuffed brought up a funky English quirk with reflexive pronouns. I tried to dig around and ferret out the reason for the quirk, to no avail. So instead of explaining the history of the quirk, we'll just discuss it!

Before we get to the quirk:

What the heck are we talking about?

Reflexive pronouns are ones where an action is being performed on the subject by the subject. For example:

Tommy can feed himself now.

While making dinner, Alicia accidentally cut herself with a knife.

They looked at themselves in the mirror.

You can help yourself to a drink.

And so on.

It's important to use reflexive pronouns when they're called for. Why? Because without them, you can create sentences that are grammatically correct but totally confusing.

The following sentence is from above but without the reflexive pronoun:

While making dinner, Alicia accidentally cut her with a knife.

See the confusion?

Did Alicia accidentally cut her sister or neighbor or some other female (her) in the kitchen? Or did Alicia cut Alicia? (Did she cut herself?)

Similarly:

They looked at them in the mirror.

We potentially have two groups. The groups that is looking and the group that is reflected in the mirror. Or are they the same group? If it's the same group, a reflexive pronoun takes away the ambiguity:

They looked at themselves in the mirror.

Are we clear on the basics of reflexive pronouns?

(I hope?)

Then let's talk about the funky quirk!

All reflexive pronouns add "self" or "selves" to the end of another pronoun.

Some tack self/selves to the possessive form:

I / my / myself

we / our / ourselves

But other reflexives take the objective form:

he / him/ himself

(possessive form would be hisself)

their / them/ themselves

(possessive form would be theirselves)

We all know that hisself and theirselves are INCORRECT.

(We all know that, right? Please tell me you aren't saying theirselves or hisself. My twitching eye thanks you.)

But I'd really like to know the reason behind it. Why do we say myself and ourselves but himself and themselves?

It's just one more of ten thousand or so ways that English makes no sense whatsoever.

But we love it anyway.

[In case you haven't heard: Be sure to participate in Precision Editing Group's Write-a-thon on Thursday! See THIS POST for details, including the prizes!]

LIST Day!

• Hail? Really, Mother Nature? On April 5th? Grrrr.
• Got my Whitney ballot turned in over the weekend! Can't wait to see the award results. (Also: Readers, be sure to nominate your favorite LDS-authored books of 2010 for next year's awards!)
• The TwHistory re-enactment of the Mormon Pioneer Trek is LIVE! Check out the media buzz it's already getting on KSL and the Deseret News!
• To follow the trek, go to THIS PAGE on Twitter and follow all of the historical figures listed there. There's a Twitter LIST with them HERE.
• (What the heck is the re-enactment, you say? Check out the home page HERE.)
• Getting the new TV paid off is a sure-fire way to ensure that an old TV will experience a sudden and permanent death.
• Using some of my husband's own work with the new Family Search, Mobile Tree has created an iPhone app. TODAY ONLY, they're offering it for FREE. It's their LDS General Conference special.
• Thanks to everyone who came to my signing last Saturday and made it so great!
• Heffalump from I Blog About Nothing reviewed Band of Sisters and talks up Flat Daddy HERE.
• Thursday evening, I'll be holing up with my computer and my fictional characters for a 4-hour write-a-thon sponsored by Precision Editing Group. Be sure to participate for a chance to win prizes! (Details on this post. Read the comments for answers to reader questions.)
• Submitted my last syllabus page for my LDStorymakers conference workshops . . . only two weeks late (ahem . . .). Can't believe we're less than three weeks out! Squee!
• Photo shoot #5 for Chocolate Never Faileth was today. Two more, and they'll be wrapped up!
• And finally, note to self: Next year, buy Easter candy that you do not like. This will prevent you from eating "just one" left over chocolate . . . twenty times a day.

Mom Rocked the House, Yo

Friday I had the opportunity to speak at our local junior high, where they've done an annual writers conference for about ten years now. Only students invited to the conference by their English teachers get to attend (and skip out of the first half of their school day).

The conference was in the media center, so I expected 30ish students. The room was packed with kids; I'd guess well over a hundred attended.

I spoke first, using a nifty Power Point that my son helped me design. I gave my dialogue workshop, which I've taught several times to adults. 7th - 9th graders are old enough to grasp something that big, I think.

I had to leave after I spoke, so I didn't get to hear the other two speakers, but I had a ball. The kids were great. They were respectful and fun, eagerly jotting down pages and pages of notes.

After I finished, we had a 10-minute break. That's when a crowd of students surrounded me. I felt like a rock star!

I mentioned on Facebook yesterday that I have a sneaking suspicion that my coolness factor was seriously influenced by the fact that I admitted to personally knowing (and in some cases being good friends with) other writers they love. (Audible gasps waved across the room when I said that yes, I know Jessica Day George, Shannon Hale, J. Scott Savage, and others.)

As a parent, I remember very well what that age was like . . . and how the last thing you want is for a parent to embarrass you in front of your peers.

So even though speaking was a ball, the best part for me was seeing the faces of my son and daughter. They came right up to me afterward as part of that crowd, making sure people knew they belonged to me.

And they beamed. They looked proud.

Boo. Yah.

In other writing-related news:

• BOOK SIGNING TONIGHT, Saturday, April 3 at the Deseret Book in Layton Hills Mall
• Attention, Writers: Precision Editing Group is sponsoring a 4-hour write-a-thon on THURSDAY. Be sure to participate for a chance to win $50 OR a $50 content edit from PEG. (Find the details HERE.)
• I had to leave the conference early to attend a proposal meeting at Covenant about an upcoming project. It went really well. Cross your fingers that it flies, because this one totally cool project!

WNW: Dangling Participles

A couple of weeks ago, Michelle Jeffries asked me to address participial phrases. Since that's a giant topic, I thought I'd start with the way participles are most often misused: the famous dangling participle!

They're loads of fun . . . really! They're easy to giggle over . . . at least when you find the mistake in someone else's work (or before yours gets in front of an editor).

I originally wrote about them on the Writing on the Wall blog about a year and a half ago, so for those who have followed that blog a long time, you may recognize parts of this.

So what is a dangling participle?

It's a modifier, usually noun, pronoun, or phrase—basically any descriptor—that's in the wrong place for what it's supposed to be describing. Often that means it's too far away from it, or at least that something else is in the way.

Sounds confusing, so let's just ignore the definition for a minute and show some examples. They're the best way to learn anyway, right?

Try these sentences on for size:

Joe went on the ride with my sister called The Raging Flame of Death.
Hmm. That's not a sister I'd like to hang out with. Oh, wait! The ride has that name. In that case:

He went on the The Raging Flame of Death ride [or the ride called The Raging Flame of Death] with my sister.

Other funny examples:

Two computers were reported stolen by the high school principal.

(That's one unethical principal . . .)

The anchor reported a coming lightning storm on the television.

(Get AWAY from that television!)

Please look through the contents of the package with your wife.

(Must be one huge package if she fits in it.)

James hadn’t meant to let it slip that he wasn’t married, at least to his boss.

(Wait. His boss is Mrs. James?)

Quiet and patient, her dress was simple, yet stylish.

(Let's hope her dress wasn't loud and impatient.)

At the age of five, her mother remarried.

(Um . . . doubt that's legal in any state. And she certainly wasn't a mother then.)

These little nasties are painfully easy to drop into your work without you even knowing it. They happen when you've used an action and then the subject that belongs to the action is put into the wrong place.

The result is most definitely a meaning you didn't intend.

One of the most common forms is relatively easy to spot: look for sentences that open with an "ing" phrase:

Turning the corner on a bike, a huge dog startled him.

(Apparently that's a dog with serious coordination skills.)

Driving through town, the grocery store appeared on the right.

(Freaky store. And just how big is its car?!)

And here's one of my favorite dangling participles (which I found in a New York Times bestseller that shall remain nameless, even though it was just too funny):

Being my father, I thought he'd be more upset.

(Now THAT is one amazing genetic trick . . .)

You get the idea.

Dangling participles can sound scary and intimidating, but in reality, they're easy to fix. Just make sure the action in your sentence is really attached to the person or thing doing it.

For the writers reading this, it's something you don't need to worry too much about in the drafting stage. It is, however, one of those things you should try to catch in the revision stage.

One great way is to read your draft aloud. The stresses and pauses will make you recognize when something doesn't quite sound right. Pick some trusted readers to ferret out these kinds of bloopers as well.

Your future lack of embarrassment is most definitely worth the effort.

I've got a busy bloggy day:

I also posted HERE over at the AML blog and HERE at Writing on the Wall.

Today: A List

1) Five Whitney nominees to go. Three are THICK. I'm hoping to finish one of the thinner ones today. We shall see if I succeed . . .

2) I'm being loud and opinionated again over on the AML Blog.

3) Tonight my parents are coming over for FHE. Yay!

4) I'll be leaving in a few for lunch with Luisa, my favorite New Yorker and my first close bloggy friend. There will be much enjoyment of food and plenty of great conversation, I'm sure.

5) My chocolate cookbook has a title, but I can't reveal it yet. I've already mentioned this elsewhere (Twitter, FB), but for those who haven't heard, it'll be officially out in October. Frankly, I was a bit relieved they decided against May. Having TWO books released within two months of each other would have had me in a panic.

6) In theory, I should get a bunch done on a PEG edit today. Not sure if that's going to happen. Maybe if I stay up late.

7) I bought a new garbage can for the kitchen. This may not seem notable unless you know that our previous one was purchased right after the wedding . . . which was nearly 16 years ago. The poor thing lived a good, long life, but it's time to retire the poor (disgusting) thing. My kids were THRILLED to see it, which I found odd. Forget toys; I should buy new household products more often just to see their reactions. Maybe Santa will bring Windex for Christmas next year.

WNW: Laughing at Myself

In an effort to prove that we all make mistakes and need to laugh at ourselves (and so you call all have some chuckles at my expense), I thought I'd tweak something I posted awhile ago for the Writing on the Wall blog where I'm the Wednesday contributor (it's a writing and editing blog for Precision Editing Group, which I'm part of).

Long-time readers have heard me sing the praises of my critique group, which is composed of several talented, published writers. (But we started out as a group of unpublished, aspiring writers. Look how far we've come!) We continue to meet regularly and read our work aloud to one another for feedback.

I've been attending for over 9 years, and I won't stop anytime soon. Some might think that by now we must have exhausted our usefulness to one another, that we've learned all we can, and might as well move on. Nothing is further from the truth. I've found that extra sets of eyes looking at my work will find things that I am incapable of seeing because I'm the one who wrote it.

It doesn't matter how great a writer is; the fact that you wrote the piece by its very nature dictates that you cannot see all the holes. The moment I think I'm such a good a writer that I don't need outside feedback is the day my writing takes a nosedive.

Even though most of what we look for consists of big stuff like plot and character issues, every so often we come upon something little that makes us all laugh out loud—usually something that didn't come out quite how we meant it to, something you most definitely don't want showing up on a bookstore shelf one day.

Below are a few gems that came from a single meeting about a year ago. Remember: All of these sentences came from authors who have multiple published novels under their belts. It happens to the best of us.

1. James hadn't meant to let it slip that he wasn't married, at least to his boss.

(No, James isn't married to his boss . . .)

A set-up for #2: the character in question has built a narrow enclosure for a horse, using dowels slid through the back opening of the area to prevent the horse from backing out of it. Okay, now the sentence will make more (silly) sense. Note that we've been talking HORSES:

2. He had made holes for sliding sticks through the rear end instead of her recommended two.

(Uh, that would be the rear end of the enclosure . . .)

The next one shows a scuffle between two WOMEN:

3. Suddenly her hands were on my chest, pushing me backwards.

(Doubt she meant to give her an unscheduled mammogram . . .)

Note there's nothing inherently bad about any of these sentences, but in context and with a different pair of eyeballs than the author had, a new meaning emerged.

Sometimes our "bloopers" are of the grammatical variety. Other times they're simply ambiguous. Then there are those that just leave a silly image in your mind.

Here are more gaffs I've gathered over the years (they're too funny to not keep a running file of)—all real quotes from drafts brought to our critique group.

And yes, some are mine:

Suddenly, my mother turned into a driveway.

Your grandmother killed him before I got the chance.

Lizzie's hands flew to her mouth. Inside lay four books.

Lighting a candle, she settled beneath the covers.

[My commentary: Then poof! went the quilt in a ball of flames . . .]

Andrew noted his lean frame on the high counter sipping his drink.

. . . he began, then stopped seeing Jacob's scowl

Quiet and patient, Alice's dark hair was always pulled into a simple bun.

She realized that tears were streaming down her cheeks. How could they?



One of the worst (best?) bloopers was mine, but the double meaning is so bad that I won't share it for all the world to see. That, and it's hideously embarrassing. I still blush at the memory. (NOT what I meant!)

It was worse than the time Jeff [or Scott, as he's commonly known now] had a detective wondering about the leak in a case as a character relieved himself in a bush. (He's the one who always brings up my really bad gaff. If you ever see him, go ahead and ask what it was. He'll tell you, and totally laugh his head off while doing it.)


And here's our all-time favorite blooper:

The set-up: A man is hiding inside a cedar wood closet. The smell of the wood reminds him of the cedar chest his mother once owned. But instead of saying it like that, it came out like this:

The scent reminded him of his mother's big, smelly chest.

I still giggle at that one.

We've had our laughs over all of these, and any time someone lets a blooper loose, I write it down—not only because of the chuckle, but because it's a subtle reminder that we all need one another to read over and catch not only our bloopers, but all kinds of other things that can make our writing continually better.

It's something every writer needs. A sense of humor helps too.

The Mighty STET

I read a blog today that hit home in such a way that I wanted to jump up and down and yell, "YES! That's it exactly!" I can't explain it nearly as well, so after reading this, go check it out.

But here's my experience:

I've been at this writing thing a long time (it's been almost exactly 14 years since my first submission), and for a good chunk of that time, I've been getting critical feedback (probably 11 or so years since I got my first feedback form from a contest judge, and nearly 9 since getting major critiques by peers).

In that time, I've developed a thick skin, and I crave feedback to help me get better. A good reader or editor will point out problems in a manuscript, whether they're big (this subplot drags, and I hate this character) or little (your modifier is dangling, and you're using "just" way too often). When it comes to feedback, bring it on! I want all the warts pointed out and fixed.

So I believe every writer needs a good editor. And a good copy editor, too. (The former helps more with the big stuff, and the latter on the little, word-by-word stuff.)

But sometimes you get the occasional copy editor who, I believe, is really a closet writer, frustrated that they aren't getting published. So instead of smoothing out and polishing your book, they try to rewrite it. On top of that, they get things downright wrong.

To clarify, whenever I refer to "my editor," I'm not talking about anyone who did copy editing. Those are different people, and sometimes you'll get two or three copy editors going over the same book, none of which are my "editor." I've been fortunate to always have fantastic editors.

Almost never do I know who these contracted people are; I don't even learn their names. Some are worth their weight in gold, and I feel as if I owe them large sums for their expertise. Others . . . mmm . . . not so much.

Case in point: Not long ago I had a copy editor who added four misspellings and at least one ma-hay-jor grammar error. (Not on my watch, you don't!) This editor even questioned some of my vocabulary (he/she didn't think "pique" was a real word, for starters).

These kinds of these are a bit annoying, but they're fixable, provided I catch them before the book goes to press. (Although I'm always terrified I didn't catch something they added, and readers will assume the mistake was my fault.)

What becomes a real problem for me are those times when a copy editor tries rewriting the book in their voice. In this case, they took lots showing and replaced it with telling. Some of my best descriptions were watered down to almost nothing. Any bits of my personality and voice were stripped out and replaced with cliches and flat images. Even spots of humor were wiped out.

I have never wielded my power of STET so ferociously as I did on that manuscript as I sat there, steam coming from my ears. On every page, I scribbled it: STET! STET! STET! I felt as if I were fighting for the life of my book, as if its very soul had been sucked out, and I was trying to perform CPR to bring it back to life.

My poor editor (my editor editor, not the contracted person doing the damage) got a serious earful when I turned it back in. Fortunately, she was patient and understanding and didn't even roll her eyes at me. I don't think.

But when I picked up the next copy edit on the same manuscript, it had a note from the new copy editor on the top that I don't think I was meant to see. Something about how, "I understand this author is rather particular about her voice, so I addressed only grammar, punctuation, and clarity issues."

Great, I groaned. I'm officially a "difficult" writer.

But that thought was quickly followed by, Hallelujah! A copy editor who is learning their job!

See, copy editors shouldn't ever mess with a writer's voice. As someone who has done lots of copy editing, I know that. I try very hard to maintain a writer's voice when I do editing work. I know what it takes to clean up writing so it shines and still sounds like the original author.

Ever since seeing that note (and enduring that STET session), I've been tempted to create a label for my publisher to slap onto all my manuscripts before they go out for copy editing.

Something like:

WARNING: This writer has serious control issues. Do not attempt to tamper with her voice. She is liable to blow a gasket.